Andy’s guide to the UK General Election

For anyone else like me struggling to decide which thief to entrust with representing their views for the next year,  I’ve decided to summarise the situation as I see it.  It won’t necessarily shed any light on the subject, but will, at least, make you realise why people get apathetic about politics.

Labour will take all your money and give it to the poor.  Conservative will take all your money and waste it.  And I still haven’t forgiven the LibDems for Charles Kennedy saying ““My priority is to get people out of cars and on to public transport”.

So we’re down to the minor parties.    You can’t vote BNP if you actually have a functioning conscience. And you can’t vote for the Green party if you think our lives are better now than they were in 1543 — which is about the technology level they’d have us return to.  And you have to ask whether the UKIP have the credibility to even be considered a half-way sensible protest vote.

The worst thing is the apathy from the parties.  I’ve had exactly ONE canvasser knock on my door in the run up to the current election – and at least he had the honesty to admit that canvassing for the Conservatives in the seat formerly held by the man who put the “con” in “Conservative” was proving a thankless task.  “Do you really expect me to vote for you when your last candidate claimed the expenses of running a second home twice over, especially when half the population of the constituency commutes into London on a daily basis at their own expense?”

I’m with the Monster Raving Loony Party on that one.  Line up some caravans on the lawns at Westminster for theose who aren’t prepared to commute at their own expense.  I actually wish we had an MRLP candidate just so I could say I was voting for him/her because they make more sense than the serious parties!

Perhaps I should have stood for the “Sack The Lot” party.  On a platform of donating the salary above the national wage to charity and not claiming expenses other than a season ticket into London, I think I’d at least keep my deposit.

So, given that none of the parties are actually credible, but that I believe you should vote, I’m left with choosing the candidate least likely to be elected with policies that aren’t actually vile and detestable.  Oh wait, that’d be the Labour party.  I think I’ll just stay in bed until it’s all over.

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